In the wake of the Supreme Court ruling legalizing same-sex marriage for the entire United States, I have read a lot of commentary. None of it spoke to me as loudly as this post at AnonymousUs.org by a daughter of a lesbian mother and anonymous sperm donor. I post it in its entirety because I simply cannot bring myself to edit her raw emotion:
Children’s Rights? Anyone? :o(
Submitted on: June 28, 2015
Ok. Now since gay people got their rights and can marry in the United States can we please start talking about children’s rights? Where are they? My mom is taking me to downtown NY for pride fest on Sunday. I’m going to be supportive that she can marry a woman if she wants. There’s going to be lots of gay dads and gay moms celebrating that they get the same rights as straight people but is anyone going to be talking about MY rights too?
I don’t want to sound like a buzzkill but I don’t like it that my dad is an anonymous donor or that my mom is raising me by herself. Don’t get me wrong I’m grateful to be alive but I think my opinion on how my family should be should matter as much as it does for my mom. After all, I’m the one that parenting is all about. Father’s Day sucks, and my mom thinks its society when really it’s just her. I love her but yeesh. She talks about genders like they don’t matter when raising kids. If they don’t why does she wants me to spend so much time with her guy friends so I can have a father-figure? (JK as if her guy friends love me or relate to me as much as they love and relate with their actual children. Yeah right) Why she does she likes women when there’s no difference between men and women. Her views are not very consistent (duh lol).
I want to know who my dad is, and a donor# and some basic layout isn’t going to cut it. I need to KNOW him. I need to bond with him and do daddy-daughter things. He’s half of who I am, he’s not just a vile of cells. He and my mom just made me together in an unusual way, but its noooo different from when straight couples have sex and get pregnant. He got off, his seed went into my mom and I was conceived just like everyone else. We’re flesh and blood. He’s literally IN my DNA. Why don’t people get that? If he and my mom were a couple, he’d be my dad. But when my mom ia gay and asked him not to be there, he’s just my ‘donor’? Really? Where is my say in this?
That’s adultism btw. I googled it. When adults control everything and they don’t even ask the kids about how THEY feel and how THEY want things to be even if the adults decisions are affecting their KIDS’ lives and not theirs. It’s still bullying. It’s just like when straight people get to decide that gay people shouldn’t marry or shouldn’t live.
Gays and Judge Kennedy and whoever, you have your victory but the fight for equality isn’t over. We still need our rights as kids. Please don’t forget about us. We’re people just like you. Some of us even fought for your right to marry the person you love.
In case you are not aware AnonymousUs.org is a repository of thoughts and stories of children, parents and donors involved anonymous third party reproduction. It is probably the only safe place nowadays where the children of third party reproduction can tell us how they truly feel. I doubt this girl could ever express what she did here to her mother or her mother’s friends without being told she is selfish and ungrateful.
I am sure there will be many more stories like the one above as time moves on.
Rebecca Taylor blogs at Mary Meets Dolly