Here’s the greatest lede in a newspaper article that I’ve ever read. It’s got everything. It’s got anti-Catholicism. It’s got holier-than-thou homosexuals. It’s got lunacy. It’s got faux-objective journalism. Ready for it? Here’s the lede from The Daily Telegraph:
A group of glamour lesbians who believe the world was created by an alien civilisation 25,000 years ago have criticised the Catholic Church for being out of touch.
Yes! That’s the all time winner, folks. Here’s the rest of the story:
The representatives of the Gay Raelian society yesterday staged a demonstration outside Parliament House to protest the Pope’s arrival for World Youth Day next week.
Raelian spokeswoman Eden Bates said it was an insult that the Pope would be welcomed into Australia when “our gorgeous, fantastic spiritual leader Rael wasn’t even given the respect of a visa”.
“I’m not Catholic, I’m Raelian and I’d like to see police escorts for our beautiful prophet when he comes to Australia,” she said.
Ms Bates said the Catholic Church was archaic and people needed to come to a better understanding about the world around them.
We’re the archaic ones? They’re based on aliens from 25,000 years ago. We’re just 2,000 years old. We’re practically babies compared to them.
Ms Bates said the Raelians didn’t care if a person was gay or straight or bi-sexual or even just a little bit curious.
But then the article ends pricelessly with this wonderful line.
Rael is a Frenchman and former motor sport journalist and race-car driver whose parents, the Vorilhons, called him Claude.
After the story was all said and done and I stopped laughing one profound question leapt to my mind: “What’s a glamour lesbian?”