Remember Hillary Clinton’s “vast right wing conspiracy?” Well, this is like that but for Catholics.

Supporters of a progressive Australian bishop pushed into early retirement for his promulgated views supporting female ordination among other things are blaming a cabal of evil right wingers, calling them…wait for it…”the Temple Police!!!!!!!!!!!!!” (Trademarked with and without the exclamation points.)

Dan Brown call your office. The albino monk Vatican assassins now have the Temple Police to help them. Along with them an Opus Dei, the right wing now seems all but unstoppable! reports:

A GANG of right-wing Catholics, dubbed the “Temple police”, are being blamed for the downfall of Toowoomba Bishop William Morris.

The group, which allegedly travelled around parishes to spy on progressive priests who do not toe the Vatican line, was believed to be involved in the popular priest’s ousting, reported The Courier-Mail.

The Pope last night renounced Bishop Morris’ leadership over his support for ordaining women as priests among other liberal reforms.

Bishop Morris shocked supporters at the weekend by announcing he had been forced into early retirement after falling out with the Vatican and the Pope.

The 68-year-old’s retirement followed a five-year investigation by the Vatican believed to have been sparked by a “disaffected” ultra-orthodox group which disagreed with his progressive views.

The evil nefarious disaffected ultra-orthodox “Temple Police” is an evil nefarious organization which is led by……an evil and nefarious 69 year old grandfather who…WRITES LETTERS TO THE ARCHBISHOP AND THE VATICAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Ahhhhhhhhh, the horror. Oh the humanity.

The 69 year old old grandfather, Richard Stokes, seems a bit amused by the accusation. He said there’s no such thing as “Temple police.” He said it’s all “a conspiracy theory…I’m not a big wheel. I don’t have troops or a cohort or a phalanx. I know other people who think like me but we’re all individuals.”

Ha! What else would an evil nefarious leader of a cohortian phalanx of secret troops say.

I’m actually kind of ticked off reading about this story. You mean to tell me that an evil nefarious phalanx of disaffected ultra-orthodox Catholics formed a secret organization and I wasn’t invited?!

Without an organization like that in America who else are the progressives going to blame when things go wrong? Maybe we could set up our own branch in the United States. We’ll have to come up with our own cool evil nefarious sounding name. Any ideas?