1) Green Lantern has a lot of cool powers through his power ring but his weakness is a little too darn common for me to consider him a Superhero. GL’s weakness is…YELLOW. No, seriously. It’s yellow. Anything yellow and Mr. Hero guy becomes useless. Seriously, Spongebob Squarepants could take over the world and there’s not a darn thing Green Lantern could do about it except ask his cable provider to take Nickelodeon off his television so he doesn’t have to watch.
2) Speaking of Nickelodeon, the star of Green Lantern, Ryan Reynolds, got his start guest starring on “Sabrina The Teenage Witch.” Not exactly a great origin story.
3) There’s simply way too many green heroes to keep track of. And they’re all pretty much cooler than Green Lantern. There’s the Incredible Hulk. There’s Green Arrow who has kind of an Errol Flynn thing going on. And you’ve got the Green Hornet whose sidekick was Bruce freakin’ Lee. Dude, if your sidekick is Bruce Lee you must be awesome.
4)) Green Lantern has to plug in his power. Seriously. He can run around and save the world but every night he’s gotta’ plug his ring into his little lantern. So his super ring is like some hybrid vehicle that has to be plugged in? That’s kinda’… unimpressive, isn’t it? Dude, if you want to be taken seriously, run the ring off some good ol’ fashioned fossil fuels or something as a backup. Batman doesn’t plug into anything but his inner rage.
5) Green Lantern’s sidekick is named…you ready for this? Doiby Dickles, a fat little taxi driver from Brooklyn. Sooo…Batman has Robin. Superman has Krypto the Superdog and Green Lantern has Doiby freakin’ Dickles?
6) Hal Jordan who becomes the Green Lantern in the movie, according to comic books, later turns into a supervillain Parallax who attempts a little thing sane people like to call cosmic genocide. What’s next? Are we going to watch “Little Adolf” movies about how wonderful little Hitler was.
7) CGI abs. Nuff said.
8) Poetry. Green Lantern has to recite a little poem to access his super powers. OK, superheroes shouldn’t have to recite poetry. And you’ve got this “man” in a skin tight green outfit with fake abs reciting poetry. I don’t know. It’s just kinda’ weirdand maybe it’s best if I don’t comment further. I’m sure it’ll bring in the “Glee” crowd but I’m not up for it.